palmer ([info]palmerlp) wrote,
@ 2003-08-12 22:13:00
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It's 10PM, and I am frightened of going upstairs to bed by myself. I have gone to sleep withJennifer every night for the last 5 plus years, and now I am quite unsure of how to do it myself.

If you are awake this evening, will you pray with me through the watches of the night?

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[info]rebasayre
2003-08-12 07:20 pm UTC (link)
i am here, awake and praying with you and for you throughout the night. i understand your fear. you are loved and please call me at 3299366 if you need to talk or pray together throughout the night. there are no words. i am thankful for god our fathers promises at this point. if you need company, please let me know. i will see you wednesday if i dont' hear from you before then. all god's love and mine, rebecca

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[info]bsipes
2003-08-12 08:05 pm UTC (link)
Palmer,

I'm praying for you...and I pray you sleep too well to read this tonight...

I love you and Micah,
Brandon

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[info]kellishearron
2003-08-12 08:12 pm UTC (link)
I'll be praying. I don't really know how though. Sweet dreams Mark. May the peace of God wash over you and fill you with a renewed spirit for tomorrow. You can only go one day at a time, just try to remember that. My love goes out to you and baby Micah. I will see you tomorrow evening... Kelli

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alone...
(Anonymous)
2003-08-12 08:20 pm UTC (link)
Mark,

I am praying for you as you spend this first evening without Jennifer. May you feel the tangible presence of another who lies beside you.

you are loved,
S.

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Sleep, Child
(Anonymous)
2003-08-12 08:21 pm UTC (link)
Mark. I have been praying for you all along this journey, and now I ask that God will flood your soul with His being and with His truth and comfort. I asked earlier this evening that He will make things clear to you and Micah even without words, that His truth will enlighten your spirit, so that a complete trust in Him will supercede any thought that comes to your mind. There is purpose, and there is hope...and joy that holds you steadfast amidst the pain.

I have lately been reading "Shattered Dreams" by Larry Crabb, and thinking of you all a great deal as I've been reading. I've found it very helpful in my walk. Some day, when you are ready to read, I would highly recommend it.

Until then, God is with you...
Laurie
Lake Tahoe

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(Anonymous)
2003-08-12 08:26 pm UTC (link)
the thought of how you must be handeling this phathoms me. you are stronger than even you know. i am praying for you and will continue to do so. the next few days are going to be extremely tough for you, but god will help you through this. i pray that god will touch micah, for he does not understand what is happening, but one day will miss his mommy. i know that god will take that place in his life, and that you will guide him that direction. i trust that you will raise him to follow the Lord, and he will one day unite with his mommy. i am so sad for you. i cannot imagine what it would be like to lose my husband. i pray that i never have too. i am up at 11:34 pm and am praying for you now. you will be prayed for all night,all day tomorrow, and the days to come by me, and all of these out here that are pouring out their hearts to you...and by the ones that do not respond because of the lack of words to say.be strong for micah he needs you and you will need him more than you will ever know. may he bring joy to you and your life always raidiating Jennifer in his life! with love in christ, Leslie Jones

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(Anonymous)
2003-08-12 08:39 pm UTC (link)
Mark,

How do you find a way to give us all of you through your words? you humble me...

God, cradle this man, surpass this depth of this mystery by the depth of comfort You bring.

Mollie - indy

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[info]indigodove
2003-08-12 08:57 pm UTC (link)
You don't know me. I found your journal through smurfchick's post. But I'm terribly sorry for your loss, and I will pray for you and Micah tonight.

Wishing you peace,

Lori

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[info]dowen
2003-08-12 09:02 pm UTC (link)
mark, i'm praying for you tonight, and i will continue to pray for you every night. please know that we love you and micah so very much.

may god's calming presence surround you as you drift into much-needed slumber.

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Praying for you tonight...
(Anonymous)
2003-08-12 10:05 pm UTC (link)
I stumbled upon your journal, and I have wondered if you will ever know how many people you have touched. I found myself reading every entry, praying for a different ending. I read about your dear wife's passing today with a tear in my eye, for a woman I've never met. I don't know how I can possibly say anything to console you, but I take comfort in knowing that you have a strong relationship with Jesus, a strong community network, and many friends. Please know that someone from the West Coast you haven't met is praying for you tonight. Peace be with you.

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praying...
(Anonymous)
2003-08-12 10:45 pm UTC (link)
Mark,

May God bless you and keep you my friend. I don't know if we have met, but who cares. I sense the weight of a missional friend in pain. I lift you before the living God.
In His Grip With You Brother,
Randy Buist

www.watersedge.tv
rbuist@watersedge.tv

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(Anonymous)
2003-08-13 12:32 am UTC (link)
God, my heart aches for Mark and Micah right now. Lord, I ask for Your peace to rest on them tonight. You are our strength, You are our hope. Please show yourself to the Palmer family. Surround them with Your love, pour out your grace and consume them in Your peace. Hold them in Your arms. Thanks for being our Daddy.






~stacie
www.mosaic-church.net/ourblogs.html

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[info]wisteria
2003-08-13 01:04 am UTC (link)
May the Lord who loves you dearly watch over you by day and night. May you sense his presence in this time of grief...

God bless you....

~Debbie


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[info]therealamy
2003-08-13 04:49 am UTC (link)
I'm so, so terribly sorry. I can't imagine what you must be going through.

Found your journal through [info]dandypants post...

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Last Night Prayer
(Anonymous)
2003-08-13 05:49 am UTC (link)
Mark, although I hadn't read your journal entry last night, you were on my heart for prayer last night as I was going to bed. I prayed that the Lord would strengthen you for the journey ahead and that you would experience the presence of the Holy Spirit. You are not alone, but it is so hard sometimes to have that veil between the physical and spiritual ripped away. May the God of all comfort provide you with what you need. May you be a light even in this time. -Kendra Barrow

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jaq
(Anonymous)
2003-08-13 05:53 am UTC (link)
I'll be praying for you.

Take care!

Jaq

http://hazpafis.blogspot.com

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[info]mermil
2003-08-13 06:07 am UTC (link)

I can't pretend to understand your loss, but I have always derived great comfort from books. Have you read Madeline L'Engle's memoir Two-Part Invention? She writes about her long marriage and her husband's battle, and eventual death, from cancer, and she's very wise. The one sentence she wrote that has stayed with me for a long time is simply: "It is hard to let go of beloved flesh."
I guess that's the point: it is just flesh. It's just a container for someone's spirit, which never dies, I think. That doesn't make letting go any easier, but... I think Jennifer's spirit will live on in the good you do every day and, she will certainly live on through your son. In fact, maybe it's what's propping you up right now, even though you probably feel like your insides are caving in. She's with you, helping you breathe and walk and sleep and take a shower and do all the stupid, mundane things you have to do even when something this awful happens.

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(Anonymous)
2003-08-13 06:17 am UTC (link)
Mark/Micah:
Please know that you are guys are loved and surrounded in prayer. There have been many occasions recently when I wanted to leave a comment of support and encouragement, but words just failed me -- and still do. All I can say is that I am praying for you. I hope to be able to come to the calling hours this evening and show my support for you two. God's peace be with you.

-Chad (from Cincy)

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I will pray
(Anonymous)
2003-08-13 07:00 am UTC (link)
I will pray with you and for you every night, that God
will hold you and comfort you at this dark time.
He walks the dark hills with us. As Jesus said,
" Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be
afraid".

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Through the nite
(Anonymous)
2003-08-13 07:11 am UTC (link)
Brother,

I will pray for you this night and many others, my waking thought this morning was a feeling of peace, knowing that Jennifer is with our Lord and Master Christ Jesus. Mark I will continue to pray for you and Micah, I can't even begin to understand the depth of your loss.

May the words, prayers, and deeds of many who you may never meet this side of Heaven bring some measure of comfort to you.....

It is hard to be alone....but those of us who belong to Christ are never alone:

(Mat 28:20 KJV)......and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.


From Bene Diction's blog:

Have courage for
the great sorrows,
and patience for the small ones.
And when you have
laboriously accomplished
your daily tasks,
go to sleep in peace,
God is awake.

Remember this as you try to sleep....God is awake, He will watch and keep you.

May God continue to Bless and Keep you,


Jeff (Cincinnati)

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In Jesus Name, we pray... Amen.
(Anonymous)
2003-08-13 07:47 am UTC (link)
Mark, Micah, last night I laid in bed praying for you and your family. I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace that is to come. I was begging God to fill my spirit as he fills yours immensely. You have touched people that have never met you, through your words that have humbled so many. I know they have humbled me in a way I can’t explain. Everyday I wake up, I check your journal to see if maybe just maybe there was a physical healing in Jennifer. I prayed that there was. But I also prayed that if there wasn’t going to be a physical healing, that the Lord would carry her in his arms, instead of all the pain. I have seen Jennifer in my minds eye, and I have pictured her frailty, yet I have also pictured the strength that she had. She fought a hard, hard battle and she won. She is spending eternity with her loving and gracious father. She has left behind so much love and the biggest gift ever, Micah. What a blessing he will surely be in your life. Every time you look at him, every time he smiles you will see the love flowing out of him that his mother carried inside of her. What a blessing he will be in your life. As the tears well in my eyes once more for you Mark I am on my knees. I will be praying for you till the end of my time here on earth. I will be loving your family because you are my family. You are my brother in Christ. Keep believing and keep following the love of the Lord. You will thrive, you will get through the sleepless nights. You will be strengthened through this loss, and you will be loved. I ask that Jesus will hold you in his arms today, and help you walk tall when necessary and that you will bow down when necessary. I pray that you can cry tears of sadness of sorrow, and grieve. May God bless you Mark, and Micah.
In Christ,
Christina Six

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(Anonymous)
2003-08-13 08:25 am UTC (link)
When there aren't the words to express ourselves, we please know the Spirit can and will speak for us...reading your journal has been a reminder of the loss of a family friend in April after 18 months of colon cancer...it was so reminiscent of your journey in almost every aspect...

Annie Lamott wrote the two greatest prayers are : Help Me, Help Me and Thank You, Thank You. I'll add a third for times like these:
God, You know...

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from K Rains
(Anonymous)
2003-08-13 08:45 am UTC (link)
Prepare for a mega hug bro... i can hardly wait to see you later. Call me if you need anything. 513.383.2854

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(Anonymous)
2003-08-13 09:59 am UTC (link)
When I was frightened as a little girl at night, My Dad used to remind me of the presence of the "Father of Lights who does not change like shifting shadows". Father, hold this family in your strong right hand and bless them with the peace that passes understanding for the long days ahead.

Christy (Canada)

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Prayers
(Anonymous)
2003-08-13 10:40 am UTC (link)
Please know that you are being prayed for. I prayed that God would lift Jennifer up in His arms yesterday and hold her up. I also prayed that you and your son would be comforted and filled with peace. I am quite certain that many have read your blog and have prayed without sending a comment on to you.

I also wanted you to know that your family's faith is a testimony in itself to others and how I was lifted up by reading it. You are passing on a legacy to others by sharing your experiences and I was moved to know that through it all, you praised God daily.

Kimberly
Tulsa, OK

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God will Bless
(Anonymous)
2003-08-13 11:06 am UTC (link)
I'm not sure where to begin. I found your journal through my uncles (Chad from Cinci), and found myself reading every entry. It humbled me to see your entries, and your and Jennifer's love for God still breaking through the suffering. It also brought tears to my eyes. Know that I am praying for you. You have touched my life through your journal entries, and through your life, jennifers, and your son's. Thank you for sharing even the hardest aspects of your life. You have taught me to be thankful for even the simple moments of life. God will bless you. He has a reason for everything even if they are hard to see at the time.

You're in my prayers.

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(Anonymous)
2003-08-13 11:42 am UTC (link)
I am so sorry for your loss. Words are not adequate, I know. My heart aches for you.

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prayers
(Anonymous)
2003-08-13 11:42 am UTC (link)
i am so very sorry for your loss, my heart breaks for you and my prayers are with you. mike utech - hamilton, oh

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Prayers in the night
(Anonymous)
2003-08-13 01:14 pm UTC (link)
I can't even begin to comprehend the hurt you feel. And I can't thamk you enough for sharing over these events. My prayers have been with you and Micah, and I was up in the night to pray for this. I've always remembered August 12 as the "birthday of the PC", now i'll remember it as the first day of Jennifer's eternity.

regards,
Mike O'Dorney

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[info]plaid_rhapsody
2003-08-13 02:52 pm UTC (link)
Hello Mark,

I learned of your online journal through our friends Tim and Alison, I believe you know them, too. We met them at our church community (Quest) here in Seattle. Our community has been praying for you, Jennifer, and Micah for the past several months. We are heartbroken to hear of your loss. One is never quite sure what to say in such times, but our prayers continue to be with you.

-Michelle

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i wish we could be there
(Anonymous)
2003-08-13 03:00 pm UTC (link)
Hi Palmer- We have been on our knees from the beginning of this for you three. We wish so much we could have spent time with you and Jen during these last few months.
We are going to miss her.
We will be up there this fall and will get in touch.
You are a blessing and a testimony in our lives.

Mike, Megan and Canaan Smith

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[info]magentamom
2003-08-13 08:17 pm UTC (link)
We don't know each other, but I found your post through a number of places.

I offer my sympathy and prayers for you and your little one.

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Blessed be the name of the Lord
(Anonymous)
2003-08-14 08:27 am UTC (link)
You have lived out the lyrics to a song that really inspires me. ("Blessed be Your Name" by Matt Redman). Choosing to build your life on the solid rock of Christ; having a faith that cannot be shaken.

I am with you in prayer, and though we've never met or spoken, I love you as a brother. I pray that God will give you His peace that transcends all understanding, and that He will give you grace to face each day.

God bless,

Jeremy Nusbaum
jeremy@monumental.com

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(Anonymous)
2003-08-14 11:03 am UTC (link)
Palmer,
I appreciate your heart and the way you and jennifer have lived your life. What a great example set before me and others! Thank you so much for sharing with the world all your joys, pain, and sorrows.

I am so blessed to have known Jennifer and call her my Sister in Christ and Friend! Know that I am continually praying for you, Micah, and all your family! I will greatly miss Jennifer, But the one thing that has comfort me the most in her battle with cancer is that I will see her again in eternity with our Father!!!! Know that I am always here for you and Micah and want to help in any way I can!

My heart goes out to you and I'm praying for you Brother, Gena Crenshaw

For those out there who read these post's - I encourage you to let those who have touched your lives. Let them know how much they have meant to you while their here on earth - this is the one thing I have taken more to heart from losing my dear Friend Jennifer!!!!!

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(Anonymous)
2003-08-14 11:24 am UTC (link)
You are a friend of a friend. I have heard over the years of a delightful couple: The Palmers. I heard of your new baby and of your ministry. I can only pray that God holds you close.
Reading the entire journal backwards is heartwrenching and the "natural" person wants to say WHY WHY WHY. But God has his own plans, his ways are not ours and Jennifer is 100% well now, with no more pain, nasuea, worry, sorrow.
My prayers continue for you and Micah.

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(Anonymous)
2003-08-14 06:16 pm UTC (link)
Mark,

You and Micah were on my heart last night as I read the Compline.

"I will lie down this night with God, and God will lie down with me; I will lie down this night with Christ, and Christ will lie down with me; I will lie down this night with the Spirit, and the Spirit will lie down with me; God and Christ and the Spirit, be lying down with me."

As I have prayed for Jennifer and your family these last months, I have come to love you all. You will continue to be in my prayers.

Amy Knauer

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from kary
(Anonymous)
2003-08-15 06:22 am UTC (link)
Palmer,

you are my brother. I love you. I pray for you in this time of beautiful tradgedy and wonderful grace. i look forward to our talks.

kary oberbrunner

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i am praying
(Anonymous)
2003-08-15 07:06 pm UTC (link)
Mark, I am praying for you as you adjust to life without Jennifer. We all miss her soooo much.

Love,
Aunt Jan

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